So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You ruined the universe
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
