im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
