I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
