I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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