Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ๐๐#pensacolaproblems
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Iโm sorry, some of us common-folk donโt have access to steady dick
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