I molested 6 butterflies tonight
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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