Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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