Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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