So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
