My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
