yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
