We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
