I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
