First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it's like heaven, but drunker
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
