yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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