At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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