forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
