I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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