my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
