Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
