You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
