Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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