I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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