I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You have to summon your inner elephant
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
