If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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