Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
PANTIES FOUND
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
