and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
