____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
