And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
