took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
