I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
