Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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