you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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