If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
