guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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