We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Help. Why am I so naked?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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