So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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