Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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