i permit you to call me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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