I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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