i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
