just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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