Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I know her cup size but not her name....
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
