i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
