How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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