**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you had me at cake vodka
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize