I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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