If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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