You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
