best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
