Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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