first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
