Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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