I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
