ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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