remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
