I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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