During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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