What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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