That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
