her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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