Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
