So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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