Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
