Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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