In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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