There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
