apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
