I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
