We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
