he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I want her autograph on my taint
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
