Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
