i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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