I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
