grandma shit on top of the toilet
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
