remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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