I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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