I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
