Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
