So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You were trust falling into bushes
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
