Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Randomize
