I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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