Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
