PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
