Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
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