So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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