What a fucking waste of an outfit
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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