Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
