it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
