my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
two words: eviction party
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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