Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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