Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
well you can't waste a boner
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
