i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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