i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
barbara walters just said penis...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
