I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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