Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize