so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
