Someone shit on the floor
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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