Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize