at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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