Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
