and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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