THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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