He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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