Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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