no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Panties = found
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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