i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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