chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
