dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
